Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Well, the Large Hadron Collider, located under Berne, Switzerland is, or has, undergone its first experiment with particle acceleration. The collider is 17 miles long and buried deep below the earth's surface. Its goal is to recreate the conditions of space in the tiniest milliseconds after the big bang, um, banged. There are a few (albeit very few) scientists who feel that this is detrimental to the life of the planet and that it will create conditions that will enable a black hole to develop. Science and Stephen Hawking tell us that nothing escapes a black hole, so this means that our planet, namely earth, unless you inhabit someplace else and are just visiting, will be sucked in. It is said that "not even light can escape" the enormous gravitational pull of a black hole. What I'm curious about is, what if the black hole is, I don't know, discerning? What if it has standards? What if it chooses NOT to engulf everything in its path. If I was a black hole, I would choose to reject, rebuff, disentangle myself from, spit out, fire, whatever, the following:

1. People who have more than 15 items and still stand in the express line. You are gone!

2. Drivers on cell phones who endanger themselves, their passengers, and other drivers-outta here. When did YOUR cell phone call become more important than road rules and others' safety? Because the rest of us didn't get that call. We were driving and didn't answer our cell phones.

3. Teenagers.

4. Boring teachers who no longer have a passion for their subjects. Spare us. Retire. Get another job. Do something interesting with your life-become a serial killer of driving cell-phone-users or something, anything, but get out of the classroom.

5. Menopausal women who blog negatively about ridiculous things that will never happen because they're in evil moods.

6. Oops.


frizzlefry said...

We actually talked about this last night at the physics lecture I attended. It turns out that small "black holes" happen all of the time, and they are in fact not strong enough to hold in the radiation they originally trap. Rather than growing larger, they pretty much vomit and die. At least at the sizes Cern will be creating.

At least, according to the guy last night. . .

The Katzbox said...

So, in essence, black holes can indeed,"vomit" stuff back out....hmmmmmm

hi, i'm nancy! said...

can you throw your family in the black hole?

JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(kidding a little.)

hi, i'm nancy! said...

p.s. I'd be Frizzlefried, too, if I ever attended a physics, er, PHYSICS lecture!

Em Dog said...

I like this entry a lot. .it shows your humor and your irritability at the same time, without being obnoxiously negative (i read a lot of those types of entries lately). Love you! And, if the world is goign to end, i will happy that we will go down together. :)

Eliot Bowman said...

Emily, that reminds me of that Billy Joel song about Vietnam for some reason.

"Yes we will allllll go dooooooown together!!"