This is an actual telephone conversation with my almost-90-year-old mother.
MOM: Debbie, I need you to do me a favor.
MOM: I found Ellen's "e" thing so you can write her a letter.
MOM: Here's what I want you to say.
ME: Wait, wait, wait. Do you mean you found Ellen's email address? And you want me to write her an email for you?
MOM: That's what I said!
MOM: Here's what I want you to write. "Dear Ellen, I love you. I have always loved you. I want to see your face before I'm dead. I want to see you by cane, by wheelchair, or by casket. I just love you!" Can you send that for me?
MOM: You know. I watched her shows when NO ONE watched her shows.
ME: Really Mom? Cause she's been pretty pop--
MOM: Yes, even when no one watched that one show of hers, I was right there. I just love her and I need to see that adorable little blue-eyed face of hers before I die.
ME: You know, I live in California, Mom, and you've never been out this way to see me...ever.
MOM: Well, I'll get out there for Ellen, by cane, wheelchair, or cask--
ME: Got it.
MOM: Now, if Ellen asks you if I want anything, you just tell her "No. I have everything I need and I'm not doing this to get anything."
MOM: Remember, if she asks what I want, you tell her nothing.
ME: I'm on it.
MOM: But if she stays after you about it and almost pesters you, tell her I really miss the pinky ring my late husband bought for me, that I lost. Tell her that.
ME: Gosh Mom...I just don't think that El--
MOM: Tell her I really miss my husband.
ME: You bet.