Friday, January 2, 2009

OPEN LETTER TO MY MOM...

January 2, 2009 (Actually mailed today)

Dear Mom,

I hate your phone. It hates me. I call you a lot, but it either just rings and rings OR I hear Tiffany’s voice saying that she will be happy to take a message. But I know better...oh I know better all right...that just means that any message I leave will float into the nothingness where all of your phone messages go...some day in the not-too-distant future, NASA will launch a spaceshuttle and it will actually bump into a cloud that consists primarily of all of your lost phone messages...and a few missing socks...and Bubby’s car keys...AND YOU STILL WON’T GET THEM!!!!!
Why don’t you love me? Why won’t you pick up your freakin’ phone? Do you know it’s me? Do you have a special “Debbie-Doll” ring? When I call you, does your phone have an evil laugh? Do you hide until the laugh fades away? Do you throw rocks at the phone? I see how it is....
Well, guess what lady, you don’t own the postal service...bwahahahahahahah
I can write you all day...every day....as many times as I want to....all you have to do is check your mailbox....you’ll never know if a letter is there or not will you?....
Well, I’m going to go back to my math homework. I’m still taking Statistics and a psychology course called, “The History and Systems of Psychology”...yea, it’s riveting... I recently wrote an annotated bibliography of five peer-reviewed journal articles...doesn’t that sound like fun? Now I can be boring about even MORE things. If I get invited to a dinner party, I pity the poor person who gets stuck seated next to me. Poor schlub.
Peter is doing fine. He spoke at a baptism last night. He was perfect. I woke up with the distinct impression that my husband is a better person than I am. I am still digesting that information. It’s a new feeling for me. I’ve spent over 30 years thinking the opposite. Happy New Year to me, I’m the one that needs fixing. That’s kind of humbling. I suppose my new year’s resolution is “try not to let my husband know that he’s way better than me”. Of course, since he’s way better than me, he’s already figured that out and pre-forgiven me...which really frosts my shorts....I can now add “ego-problem” to my lists of things to work on in 2009. Oh! Did I add that his credit is much better also. Gosh, this year is just getting better and better. And he’s less sarcastic...like THAT'S a challenge.
Okay lady, I’m going back to my school-work now. I hope this letter finds you healthy and happy. I wouldn’t know because I CAN’T REACH YOU ON YOUR FRIGGIN’ PHONE.!!!!! Not that I’m concerned too much....
I hope you’re getting out and about. Take care. I’ll write again soon...BECAUSE I CAN’T REACH YOU ON YOUR FRIGGIN’ PHONE.
I love you. Truly.

Debbie Doll.

9 comments:

Eli Bowman said...

This is good, Mom. :)

TT said...

Uh, yeah, sorry she can't come to the phone right now...she was at euchre all afternoon and then went to dinner with Everett. She refuses to answer her cell phone too. Maybe try her after 6PM EST.

The Katzbox said...

I put that letter in the mail. I hope she enjoys it. She still talks about a letter I left her when I was like...13?...when she locked me out of the house. I thought she would get a kick out of it. I do hate her phones tho. So,...her and Everett went to dinner huh?....that's fun! I sent her a pic of the two of them, which is really quite cute. And her social life is way better than mine, by the way.... Thx TT.

hi, i'm nancy! said...

maybe she's like me and doesn't know HOW to answer her phone.

is this thing on?

The Bowmans said...

hahahaha! What else is there to say? :)

Em Dog said...

I get her every time. Hmmmm. . .

The Katzbox said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Katzbox said...

Quiet Em.....

Em Dog said...

hahah. . .. teasing, of course.