I spoke with my mother this morning...my 89 year old mother...yes, I actually reached her through her phone...amazing...of course, I had to call her at 6:00 am my time so I knew she was home and would definitely answer it...
She talked to me about her new "friend" Everett...he's 93...she's so excited...he wants her to meet him outside of the senior citizen center where they meet certain afternoons to play cards. He gets dropped off there by one of his children-Mother drives herself...anyway...he wants Mom to surreptitiously meet him on the OUTSIDE of the building, then he'll duck into her car and THEN THEY'RE GOING TO SPEED AWAY WITHOUT GOING IN!!!! They're going to CUT! That's right...they're blowin' Dodge...
ME: Well. Where are you going after that?
MOM: Back to my place.
ME: I'm here. Why? *laughing nervously* What's up? Do you guys wanna play cards by yourself? (please let it be that simple)
MOM: I don't know. *said while chuckling*
ME: *shudder* Mom, hold on, my spinal cord just twisted and pooped out through my rib cage, I have to adjust...there....okay.... Hey! Tell me what you THINK you and Everett will, I don't know, DO.
MOM: Well, we'll have a few hours before I have to take him back for his daughter to pick him up.
ME: A few HOURS? A lot of things can happen in a few hours Mom. Lots of things. Have we had this talk before? My mind is cloudy but this feels vaguely familiar...I'm thinking, 1970?....only, you knew way more than I did and you did most of the blushing....
MOM: Honey, there are things that need to be done...handled. Things that only Everett can do.
ME: Oh my gosh! Stop it!!! What are you thinking? Does anyone else know about this? Why are you telling ME about this? Of all people, I'm the lamest kid in the bunch, Mother!
MOM: What? What are YOU talking about? I need things done for me, honey? Everett's a man. He knows just what to do. Take this electrical outlet on the kitchen wall for example. It's been broken forever and he fixes stuff all the time. I have a list of things he's going to do for me. He said he does stuff all the time at his house and he'd be happy to do some chores for me here. What are YOU thinking?
ME: *sweating* Me? Thinking? Nothing! I wasn't thinking anything. I wasn't! Can I go do my homework now?
MOM: Sure honey. Call me tomorrow. Take care of that spine.
ME: Bye Mommy...arrgghh...Mom.