Emmy sent me to get lunch for the three of us: Em, Clarkie and me. While standing in line, I had my gigantic plastic cup and straw filled with diet Mt. Dew. We all know what Mt. Dew looks like, right?
Exactly, but the contents are yellowish. Okay. So, I had an armful of several bags of chips. I was also holding my big container of unmarked Mt. Dew, my phone and my wallet. I dropped one of the bags and had to bend all the way over to pick it up. When I did this, the Mt. Dew spilled out of the container, making a loud, satisfying splashing sound onto the linoleum floor, and making a nice, neat puddle EXACTLY between my feet. I looked down, while still in the bendy position, realized what it looked like, and quickly jumped back up. I looked down again because I couldn't believe my eyes, or my ears, or my luck.
The man standing next to me in line then looked at my eyes, looked down at "my" puddle, back at my eyes, and then, less-than-covertly, moved back one step while attempting to appear that he was studying the menu.
I looked at him and said, "It's Mountain Dew. It spilled". Mind you, I had absolutely NOTHING on my person that indicated anything I held WAS or CONTAINED Mt. Dew because I had geniusly poured the Mt. Dew into a separate container earlier that morning. Also, that particular Subway doesn't even SELL Mt. Dew. He didn't respond. Smart move.
I then looked at my sandwich maker. I said, "Um, I spilled some Mt. Dew, but don't worry! It's diet, so it won't be sticky". What the heck! Why would I say that? What sane person would add more information than necessary? A sane person WOULDN'T do that. A desperately embarrassed person would. A person with Mt. Dew still clinging to her calves. A person who discreetly stayed in her puddle and continued to order her sandwich with some degree of enthusiasm...just to hold on for that last surviving shred of dignity...which was somewhere in that puddle of Mt. doggone Dew.
And that's the story.