Thursday, July 2, 2009

IF I HAD A MAGIC WAND PART ONE


If I had a magic wand, I would do lots of things...but I'm only going to list a few. I bet you have a few things you'd like to do also. Wouldn't a wand come in handy sometimes? Think about it....

When I was a little girl, I was enamored of Fairy Godmothers...I wondered who mine was and when she would show up. I didn't think about Prince Charming. I wondered endlessly about my Fairy Godmother. Was she tall or short? Was she fat or thin? Did she fly all by herself or ride a pumpkin drawn by mice? I didn't care. I really didn't. I just wanted her to show up already.

So...seeing as how my F.M. believes me to be capable of handling my own life (Nice call THERE mum), I thought I would list a few of the things I would like to do if I could get my hands on that wand I've been dreaming about for over five decades. This is a partial list. I'll think of better ones after I sign off on this post. I always do. So, in anticipation of that, I listed this post as "part one". There may be a future "fun with magic wands" post....there may not. If there are things you would like to do with a magic wand, please feel free to share....

*I would like the magic wand (MW) to enable me to understand every single foreign language uttered on the planet, because it will be going with me to the nail shop...that's right "Steve", I'm coming FOR YOU!!!!

* I would shake it at certain drivers so that their cell phones explode in their hair, causing a sticky green glue that remains there for 3 days. OH YEA....OH PLEASE YEA....

*Every time I opened up a jar of peanut butter, it would be brand spankin' new. I'd get to do that "decorate-the-top-with-the-butter-knife-design" that you just know everyone does but doesn't admit to. Every time.

*bye bye hair products....swoosh of the MW...and not just "style"...I'm talking length, color, you name it.....I would be the veritable "Barbie" of hair...and while we're talking "Barbie"....nah...

ME: Peter? Who are you looking at?
PETER: What? I'm not looking at anyone.
ME: Yes. Yes you are! Aren't you looking at that attractive young woman over there?
PETER: What attractive young woman?
ME: Exactly. Because there's just a little Italian man with a pet monkey now, isn't there?
PETER: Please don't hurt me.

Well, I think I've done enough damage here. I'd better get back to writing my paper...although the idea of shaking that wand at that mouthy young person down the street is really tempting....and don't get me started about the "15 ITEMS OR LESS" line at the grocery....oh my gosh....I'm getting my keys RIGHT NOW.....

6 comments:

Emmy Slusser said...

Mae always says, dead seriously, "if you ever get a wish, you definitely wish for a magic wand. Then, you can have anything you want."
I would use my MW for grumpy people to get a wart on their face every time they were mean, and get prettier/less warty every time they were kind. I think people would be a lot nicer. :)

Stephanie Jette said...

If I had a MW I would make all the little children who were being bad and/or misbehaving would turn into little beetles until they learn the lesson.

I know I'm evil!!

ennbee said...

do you REALLY have to ask? - make the morons at kroger smart enough to know where everything is.

but seriously, fix charlie's spit-up problem.

Mommy Tips said...

I second my mom's wish. I'd fix Charlie's spit-up problem too.

Emmy Slusser said...

No more Clarkie allergies. . .

The Katzbox said...

This is interesting....the wishes are getting deeper and kinder....

(but those Kroger and beetles wishes were funny!)

I've seen this happen before....