Wednesday, July 22, 2009

HOT HOT HOT!!!

It's been so hot here *how hot is it?*..remember that on Johnny Carson? Well, this isn't that.

It's just been so stinking hot. And now the threat of thunder storms looms on the horizon. I don't think it will happen. Thunder storms never happen. They stop at the mountain. It may look threatening (threatening=some gray clouds), but all of the really good dramatic weather just flat stops at the tops of those mountains. Plus, do we really want 98% humidity AND 115-degree heat? Nahhhh...I don't think so.

I don't think I can actually explain this weather and do it justice. Imagine your blow dryer being the size of a house. Just make it that big. Now, turn it on high. Feel that hot air blowing that hard? That's my neighborhood right now. Strong gales of hot wind...HOT!!! Can you imagine it? It's nuts. As soon as you walk outside, it takes your breath away....YOUR BREATH AWAY!!!...and not in a good way. It dries your eyes out, it sucks the moisture out of your hair and skin-I'm totally dessicated. I'm a walking mummy. Ants and insects come into your house looking for..are you ready for this....WATER! Not sugar, not food, JUST WATER....they go to your bathroom! Any place where there is a sink. So, if you have a pet and you leave a bowl of water out....watch out! We leave a bowl out in a different place every day because we have to spray that area each night...so crazy...

Last night, I watched an ant crawl into my keyboard between the letters "a" and "s". This is a macbook and they get hot....I hope it's cooked....that's not very zen of me, but unless that ant can type a dissertation, or at least contribute to the research, his butt is toast.

Costco finally...FINALLY...brought their shopping carts INSIDE so your hands aren't branded when you grab the cart outside their doors to go pick up those 150 corn dogs you need. Who buys those? What do I think I'm doing this weekend, throwing a state fair? Yikes.

And the best...THE BEST...is my broken air conditioner in my car which only works (and only anemically) when I'm going 50 mph or better. It stops entirely when my car isn't going fast enough or when I'm stopped. Do you know how many lights I'm willing to run? Do you have any idea how many cars I've sped past? How many cyclists I've been willing to sacrifice for my comfort? Can you imagine how hot a car gets in 118 degree weather? Now imagine all of this with a middle-aged woman on hormones....a red light will make me weep...and pulling up behind a senior citizen with her blue hair and overly-large knuckles bent around the steering wheel can almost cause me to lose my religion...

I have to remember that one day (hopefully), I'll be that large-knuckled blue head....but I will not scoot pathetically in my sedan...oh no....not me....I'll be the cyclist.

2 comments:

ennbee said...

and to think that out here, we're setting records for cool temps.

could it be a sign that you should move back to OH-IO?

The Katzbox said...

Everything is a sign that we should back to OH-IO....always and forever...now, to get Emily and HER gang to follow those signs....or conversely....

or else everyone just meet somewhere in the middle...or even, say, North Carolina...I heard that's nice

:)