Monday, July 6, 2009

DEB-GATE

How notorious do I have to be to have the word "gate" added to whatever "something" I've gotten myself into?

Possible scenarios....

I'm moving all this month. I hate it. Really. Hate. It. It's so disturbing to me, that I can barely crawl out of bed in the afternoon. It's bad. I walk around and resist throwing virtually everything into the trash can. That's my form of organization. Would that be so bad? Why can't I do that? Outside of some cards and pictures and a rock I fell in love when I was 11, what's there to keep? Why can't I just toss it all? We would call it "Garbage-gate".

I can't gain weight. Yes. I know. Wahhh. But it's a little problematic. After a certain age, it's really not a good idea. "Experts" maintain that a 5-10 pounds extra isn't such a bad idea to guard against the malnutrition that often comes with aging. Really. Also, thin is painful. Ask my butt. Go ahead. I double-dog-dare-ya. My butt will complain all day about the hardness of the seats available in today's society. Every seat is uncomfortable. And now, my back is getting in on the deal. "Don't lean back", it screams at me, "this chair is nice and comfy like Charles Manson on his fourth espresso"....."weight-gate"

I'm writing a paper in my Social Psychology on same-sex marriage. My goal in writing this paper is to attempt to be so non-biased in presenting just the facts, as well as coming up with an appropriate social theory, and a concrete action for addressing "the problem" as I see it, that no one, absolutely no one, will be able to tell which side I stand on. Because this is such a hot-button subject and because people being people and if-you-don't-profess-one-side-you-must-be-on-the-other-side-mentality, I have a prediction (hypothesis): the pro-LGBTQ community (because I am not openly supporting same-sex marriage or calling it "marriage equality") will condemn me as a "bigot" and a "hater", while the "born-again" fundamentalists in my class will (because of my clear cut non-adherence to Biblical quotage and bias) will consider me pro-LGBTQ/anti-family and possibly a lesbian...."Mo-Gate"

I found out on Sunday that the easiest way to dress a dead person is with a one-piece garment. You just "slide it up over the feet, straight up the arms and voila! You've got a dressed dead person! And make sure it's nylon. That stuff just slides right up over the skin. I know. I'm an expert. I've dressed six people." My reaction? "Hi. I'm Debbie. Your name?" ......"Stunned-gate"

me out.......out-gate
ADDENDUM: Just in case people don't know me, I am all for equal rights as outlined in section 297.5 of the State of California Family Code Section, which clearly outlines all of the rights and privileges of same sex couples as spouses under the law, I am, however, against redefining marriage as being anything other than between one man and one woman. That's all. All for equal rights, just don't want the definition changed. There. I'm relatively certain I lost a fair percentage of my readers.....so let me fill in the blank for ya..."Bigot-gate" "Miss California-gate" "Hater-gate" "Moron-gate"...how 'bout this "I still love ya-gate" neener neener....

11 comments:

Emmy Slusser said...

Your blog= funny-gate. :)
LOVE-gate,
Em-gate

The Katzbox said...

@em-gate: silly-gate, heart-gate you-gate

Stephanie Jette said...

Y'all are dorks-gate.

love and hugs (gate)

Hillary said...

Kenbrook-gate to Selby-gate says this doesn't shock her at all-gate. Bowmans...they're a special-gate all to themselves. :)

Love you!

Rachel said...

I too am paralized by moving. And everytime I've done it I've thrown half of my life away. And I've never missed any of it.

The Katzbox said...

@ Jette: back at cha-gate :)

@ Hill: HAHAHAHAH...so happy to see you here, my little blast-from-the-past-gate :). Of course you're not surprised....you're been innoculated by years of exposure to us....

@ Rachel: Thank you. I needed to read those words "And I've never missed any of it"....thank you thank you thank you....

Diane said...

I think you guys are gate.

always have.

The Katzbox said...

@ Diane: Heb-gate...nice ring....

ennbee said...

HERP gate!

(ps - i agree with rachel. toss it. you'll never miss it.)

The Katzbox said...

@ ennbee: HERP-gate...HAHAHAHAHAH...oh man....I needed that, right now! I just got off the phone with him...HAHAHAHAHAH

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