Friday, August 29, 2008

How does one apologize backwards?

So I've been reading a book...a very special book...and now I have to put it to a test. I don't want to say exactly what the book is (no, it's not scripture or sacred text of any kind) because of two reasons: 1. I want to be sure it's the real deal and if it works for me (which I think it's going to) and 2. I'm getting it for each of my children and their spouses. If the effect of this book continues to do to me what it has, I have a lot of 'splainin' to do...or maybe even apologizing.

I'm slowly kinda sorta waking up I think. I hope. I don't think I've ever been a horrible person by any stretch, but I think I've been a fairly clueless one. A self-centered one many times. A selfish one even. I've made poor decisions...oh yea, I know...books and movies could be made on my poor decisions...if my poor decisions were a zoo, I'd be San Diego Sea World... But wow, as I think and REthink about my life and the things I do and say and the second-by-second thoughts that travel through my random neural firings (which, I think I'd like to start on the side of my blog, thanks Nancy for the inspiration), I'm just not very pleased with the content. I can do a whole lot better, and I NEED to do a whole lot better.

There are people I want to meet when I leave here (here being mortality) that I'm just not worthy to meet right now...and there are people I want to be a good example for while I'm here (those being my spouse, my sweet, ever-lovin' chillin, including the incredible sons and daughters they have brought into my life and my grandbabies...all SIX!!! *oh that Baby B* and more to come). I have been so blessed, so abundantly, richly blessed, that I am troubled beyond belief when I realize that I do not operate at my fullest potential spiritually. I owe so much to Christ. so much. I would "stand all amazed", but I need to kneel a bit more...I love all of you...


hi, i'm nancy! said...

oh my, Deb, i'm not sure what to say here. on the one hand, you sound actually quite good and on the other, you sound very NOT good. if i didn't know better, i'd think you'd been drinking or something.

look, every last one of us falls short of the Glory. the good news is, that's o.k. Falling-Short-of-the-Glory-but-That's-O.K. should be all of our middle names.

including YOURS, deb. including YOURS.

katzbox said..., not drinking or "something"....hahahah...but I always appreciate your words and counsel....I'm just "reflective" of late...aren't I...hmmmmm

hi, i'm nancy! said...

whew! glad you're just reflective and not some other dread disease.

reflective is good. reflective is good.