Wednesday, September 23, 2009

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT DO HOMEWORK WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ANESTHESIA

Why one shouldn't write homework assignments when one still has anesthesia coursing through their system:

I'm taking human psychoneuroimmunology (PNI) this quarter. It's an important class because I'm strongly considering doing my dissertation on this subject. So....it kinda sorta important that I "get it". As a side note, I think it's funny that they insisted calling it "human" PNI, as opposed, I guess, to river otter PNI.

This week, I'm learning about the various tests, or assays, that are performed to measure the efficacy of immune function. It gets very involved. I was very tired and apparently still a little loopy following my knee surgery yesterday. So, sure, the first day in several weeks that I finally get the internet in my house, I decide to do homework from my table (in stead of from a coffee house) and I write something stoopid. I invoked images of Jedi mind tricks while describing apoptosis and cell function. Sure, I think in pictures but thinking in pictures and describing in pictures to one's professor are two vastly different things. Here's the first Jedi reference I wrote...

"NK and T cells kill these cells by lysing or creating holes in the non-self cells’ membranes. Also, NK and T cells perform Jedi mind tricks on the "non-self" cells, which cause these cells to kill themselves. It’s called apoptosis, or programmed cell death. NK and T cells are scary, but the force is with them." Isn't that great? Now I'm a nerd AND an idiot.

And then I wrote the following. The person I'm referencing here, K... V..., is one of the editors of our textbook, "The cell line used with this assay (P815) also responds to macrophages, T cells and NK cells. The authors lost me here, but apparently, it’s bad. Apparently, there is a lack of specificity and healthy, as well as non-healthy cells can be destroyed. I’m no professional, but that sounds like a serious disadvantage. And while I have you on the line, if I ever find myself seated next to K... V... at a dinner party, I have a few Jedi mind tricks of my own I’d like to play....such as, “This fork would look great in my right eye”....but I digress."
There. That should seal the deal. If I didn't look foolish enough after the first paragraph, I should look downright retarded after this one.

Maybe Kroger's is hiring.

P.S. I blanked out some of the vowels in her name so she wouldn't pop up in a google search and have me killed by her over-worked immune cell criminal cohorts. She might be powerful in the immune underground.


10 comments:

hi, i'm nancy! said...

wait, back up. KNEE SURGERY?

Linda said...

Wow! You had surgery? Also, what happened in the Recovery Room? What type of surgery did you have? Replacement? Sounds like you are doing really well, though, so, whew!

The Katzbox said...

Linda @ Nancy: I just had an arthroscope of my right knee to fix it. I haven't been able to straighten it out for almost a year. Hopefully, I'll be able to do so. What happened in the recovery room was this: I was given Vicoden, which is a narcotic. Most narcotics do bad things to me, such as the dreaded BILE DUCT SPASM, which is exactly what happened. My oxygen saturation dropped, my heart rate slowed and severe pain commenced in my right upper quadrant. They had to give me meds in my IV to stabilize me and have Peter keep reminding me to breathe with my mouth open to get more oxygen. No bueno. But all is well now. No crutches. Little, if any, pain. Just problems with homework.
:)

Anonymous said...
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The Katzbox said...
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Emmy Slusser said...

My cells can totally do Jedi mind tricks. . . and they can beat up your cells, too. But, they can't beat up the editor. Apparently, she's protected by google. .

The Katzbox said...

@Em: HAHAHAHAHA...your cells probably can whomp up on my cells...but then, your cells came from my cells, so there's that angle...

All hail google.....

Anonymous said...

(paraphrasing Churchill) Madame, if I found myself next to you at dinner - I would kill myself....

Nicholas said...
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The Katzbox said...

Dearest Anonymous,

If I found myself seated next to you at dinner, I would watch you...then it would be dinner AND a show.