My Dog: I need to go out
Me: I can't dude. I've got color on my hair...gray at the crown and all, you know.
Dog: Sorry, nature calls.
Me: Dude! Just wait another 30 minutes! I can't go out there looking like this.
Dog: I said sorry...let's go!
Me: Have a seat. Good boy.
Dog: Oh, that's not humiliating. You feed me crazy-rich food all weekend and you and your opposable thumbs can't take my old butt out to the golf course (your idea, by the way, that whole golf course thing) so I can relieve myself "legally" so I won't get into trouble?...do I have that right?
Me: Please Snoopy...I won't even dry my hair, I'll rinse and run out with wet hair...just hold it together...PLEASE???
Dog: It's dark outside, everyone is 108, they're in bed.
Me: Dude, it's November, it's a Hunter's moon, it's the brightest moon of the year...it casts freakin' shadows...
Dog: it's your carpet...how do you like this preview fart?
ADDENDUM: I took Snoop outside with my hair slicked back with color...complete in pajamas, short white socks and black maryjane shoes-stunning...Buddha went with us...he IMMEDIATELY ran up to a stranger...under a street light. Snoop took 5 dumps, I swear, when he was done his flippin collar was looser (and let me add that I clean up after him)...I went way over developing time and my head caught on fire...adding further light to the already illuminated street...