Monday, April 6, 2009


So I just got back from my thrice a decade OB-GYN visit. That's about what it averages out at. I know it's supposed to be once a year, but really...why? When the equipment's not there, why pay to have it maintenanced? Am I being unreasonable? I think 3 times every ten or so years is okay...I far, so good. There. Today I learned I can take the "OB" out of the "GYN" part. Oops. Sorry. Okay. Yes, by all means, take the OB part more obstetrics...I'm done procreating...the mantle has passed...actually, it passed 27 years ago this past March 16th...

This was the first visit, however, in my long and irregular (pun unintended) history of OB-GYN visits, that I met with a nurse practitioner...HALLELUJAH and STRIKE UP THE CHOIR....where has THIS been my whole life? This was a boat trip and two plane rides away from every other OB-GYN visit I've ever experienced. Really. I've always pretty much liked my doctors. You know, they were one I would want to hang out with at the mall on the weekend (my ultimate litmus test for a physician), but my Kaiser Permanente NP was spot on (again, pun unintended). Our dialogue was so conversational, so down-to-earth, so interspersed with medical/social/personal/fill-in-the-blank-with-what-makes-you-feel-comfy-term that I didn't want to leave. It felt as though lunch should be the next natural evolution in our "relationship". Really.
Here was a sampling of our "interview". Her name was "Chris", by the way, and we're roughly the same age. We love each other already because in this office we're surrounded by beautiful young, 20-somethings with posters of teddy-bears and kitty calendars on their desks.

CHRIS: Hey! What's that book, "Biopsychology"! Cool.
ME: Well, I'm in grad school. Just trying to catch up on the reading, which never ends, by the way.
CHRIS: Oh! That's so cool! It says here you had a bone density test, why was that?
ME: Well, I turned 50, so I just did it, along with the other "welcome to the 50's club tests".
CHRIST: *laughing* That's great, but I wouldn't worry about getting another one of those again till about ten years out of menopause. For real. When do you think that will be?
ME: Gosh. Don't even know. How 'bout we shoot for 2013. The PhD should be done by then and I'll celebrate it with a bone density test. *mutual laughter and high fives* (it's not even funny but we think we're clever)
***************the exam is performed and we're sitting around talking********************
CHRIS: So, is there anything else you wanted to talk about or ask me about?
ME: I'm certain there is but you know, me and this shrinking hippocampus, I can't remember anything. *again, peals of laughter-for no apparent reason other than we think we're hilarious*
CHRIS: Man, I love your glasses. I'm wearing these frameless suckers so no one will know I have eye wear and your all in-your-face with those horn ribs, that's really great.
ME: Well, it's not because of fashion sense-don't be fooled. They're men's frames and they were the cheapest and I like the wonky look.
CHRIS: Well, would you like to be screened for any sexually transmitted diseases?
ME: No, I think I'll pass this time around.
CHRIS: Okay, that's cool. Well, I'll see you next year. Unless something comes up. Here's my card with my number. Call me.
ME: Take care Chris. Great job.
CHRIS: Take care. Good luck with that brain stuff.

And so....I left Kaiser Permanente a relatively happier woman....until I picked up my $235.00 husband had better be a relatively happier man.....


ennbee said...

LOVED this post! i could picture and hear it, every step of the way.

dr. melillo and i have had lots of conversations just like this. personally, i think dr. melillo is probably a woman, but i'm not tellin' his wife.


The Katzbox said...

Yea...he's way cool...don't tell his wife....I mean, about his being a woman...she already knows he's cool... :)

Eli Bowman said...

Yeah, he's a cool woman.