Friday, July 16, 2010

SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE

It's been a long summer. Long. Emotional. And mostly great. And like most of my intense and emotional and meaningful experiences in life, I am split directly down the middle of my soul. The only constant in my life is my spiritual component. To be with one group of people in my life that I adore, I have to leave the other group of people in my life that I adore. And by leave, I mean separated by 3 time zones. It's hell sometimes. Again, the only constant is my faith and my church and the belief that we are connected by a greater, common goal that transcends distances of all kinds... ALL kinds.

So while Mom and I have spent the summer together, 24/7, I have to now begin the process of splitting off. She needs to get back to her social ties and commitments that keep her healthy and happy and connected to her friends. They, in essence, help keep her alive. Research has shown this to be an integral part of longevity-this social interaction. At 90, her social calendar is far more involved than mine. I truly am the cranky loner to my mother's social butterfly. It's always been that way. I have always admired her ability to host dinner parties and card parties-so elegantly dressed. I grew up in the time of the show "Mad Men" so I remember the dresses and the elegance and drinks and the cigarette smoke and the chatter and even the jeweled cigarette holders, the artsy, over-the-top coffee table cigarette lighters and huge ceramic ashtrays that were works of art. I can't believe people actually used them for their intended purpose, but they did. Anyway, I'm veering off....

We've gotten so comfy in each other's company here. We eat breakfast, lunch, dinner together. We have a soap opera that we watch, then Ellen, then "The Doctors", which we love. Actually, she naps during this show, but she does enjoy when she wakes up here and there. We pick out our shows for the evening. We're totally involved with "The Bachelorette" and we love "WipeOut". In short, we have a nice life here. It's predictable, quiet, and retiring. This is something that's okay, but probably not in our best interest-for either of us. We HAVE to get out, we HAVE to mingle, we HAVE to maintain social contacts, we HAVE to continue to hone our ability to interact with others-preferable "real" others, not fictional television characters.

Whatever...arrgghhhh....and then the twins. The babies. I have video of them that I KNOW I will have memorized until the NEXT time I come into town and get MORE video. Their faces, their voices, the way they move, their dancing, their fragrances, their piggies, the way their parents sing them to sleep, the way they say "amen" and kinda sorta fold their arms for prayer. Their parents...

Alex and Emma, and the way THEIR faces are so much closer to mine now. Their voices, their laughter, their opinions...they HAVE OPINIONS! Their clothes, their long, lean, strong bodies. Their affection for each other. Their affection for their mother. Their affection for ME! I just never figured for that.

And I think about my husband. How how he works, how patient he is, how supportive. I think of my puppies, of my step-son moving up in the Church and readying himself for his mission. I think of my daughter back home who is ready to give birth at virtually any time...ANY TIME! Someone else to love. And there's the rub. Some one else on the other coast. In this tug of heart war. The West coast is adding another player...

Split right down the middle...

11 comments:

Emmy Slusser said...

Oh, the tears! So sorry you're split down the middle, but I can honestly say my kids have missed you TERRIBLY! Can't wait to have you back and meet this new little one! Love you, mom!!
oxoxoxooxoxooxoooxoxooxoxoxoox

The Katzbox said...

I love you too! But isn't it a good split? So much love!!!

Stephanie Jette said...

I love you!!

The Katzbox said...

Love you too, Jetson...always and forever.

Hillary said...

This photo of pregnant Emily is pricelessly beautiful. She's been meant to be a mama all her life, so this photo is just perfect. Can't wait to see pics of the little peanut who's hiding out in there!!! The ankles may be swollen, Em, but the rest of you looks beautiful! :) Love you!

nancy said...

i can only imagine the difficulty of this, debbie. move everybody to iowa or something! :)

Emmy Slusser said...

Thanks, Hilly! Love you, too!
Nancy. . . Iowa? How about we move everyone San Diego. . .there's room in paradise for everyone. :)

Stephanie Jette said...

If only I could.... :(

Eli Bowman said...

Maybe someday...

Diane said...

I cried reading this....because it speaks of my life, too. I know how blessed I am though, to have places to go, where I love and am loved. Treasures in different states....in different regions. Every hello kiss means a soon-to-be goodbye hug.
But you are right, we are connected, and our faith and love is over all.
Sending love and understanding to my buddy.

The Katzbox said...

"Every hello kiss means a soon-to-be goodbye hug." Written by someone who understands, indeed....

Love you, buddy.