Saturday, July 12, 2008

OUR THREE-WEEK GRIEVING PROCESS...


We drove to the funeral...and that just never gets old (sorry, sarcasm alert)...picking out the appropriate clothing, jewelry, shoes, accessories...busy work that keeps us occupied...strategies that seem trivial when taken out of context but somehow keep us sane in an otherwise insane situation. And doesn't she look beautiful? This is what a woman looks like as she goes to say goodbye to her sweetheart. Note to self: go before Peter.

We continued to worship. Grab that faith flag and wave it!!! There is comfort and support and even if you don't feel particularly loving or whole, there is something to sitting and giving worship with a faith-based community of souls. The practice of doing this pulls one outside of oneself and draws your sights to a greater light, a larger whole, a bigger picture. For maybe the first time in the entire process, you realize that you are NOT the center of the universe and your pain, while hideous, has already been experienced by millions of others and look, they're still standing and what???!!!, they're functioning and even giving comfort back???...how could this be?...it just is...go to church.

Take in natural beauty. Lovely things are God's greeting cards. "Here", God says, "This is for you, from me, drink it in, hold it in your mind, and think about it when you need it...and...you're welcome"

Surprise! We had a wedding!!! What joy and what a blessing. Someone that we love like crazy, is crazy in love with a really crazy, funny, loving lady! Look at love. Yep, it ached a little, but it was a good ache, the kind you get when someone gives you a foot rub and it "hurts so good" in a few spots...so take in love, in all of its' forms.

We rejoiced in multigenerational love...nothing better than watching perpetuation of the gene pool...especially the maternal one...heh heh heh...

We let mom (the new "widder") teach us how to cook..okay, ME, how to cook...what ev...

This is Mom showing me how to make a "rich chicken broth for noodles" because if the broth isn't rich, you may as well throw the noodles out...note to self: never serve mom my noodles...

We got our nails done...because beauty matters...healthy self esteem equals better coping skills. I don't understand how or why, but it does...go with it.

We entertained visitors...

We ate. Okay, it wasn't exactly "dining", but let's face it...there's something waaaay satisfying about the old White Castle....

And let's not get started on the therapeutic value of eating Amish food...it's almost a religious experience...only with a buffet and a groovy gift shop.

We played scrabble because we have to keep our minds working. We must continue to strategize and spark our neurons and stay mentally healthy...yes, we used "strategery" to keep ourselves mentally fit...heh heh heh.

We went to watch funny movies...our personal favorite was the new Get Smart with Steve Carell...we laughed...a LOT...we also peed a little...we passed a group of young people on the way out of the theatre...my sister and I were pushing mother in her wheel chair and the three of us were still laughing hysterically...and I mean hysterically...the kids asked us what we had just watched and we told them "Get Smart", but then we added that "we had just smoked a LOT of pot so, you know"...and then we started laughing even harder....oh...we kill us...

And then we went to buy bird seed, because mundane things mean the world goes on...

We celebrated the Fourth of July with family and friends because that's what healthy, happy people do...and we're willing to fake it until we make it...and you know what?...it was FUN...thanks Steph and David.

We supported our loved ones in their own endeavors because it's not just about the one grieving...we get out of ourselves and out of our own way and allow others to go on living...and THAT was fun to. Look at that guy. This was a huge thing for him. His autism wants to keep him trapped in his own head but this little trooper is out there several times a week doing the best he can in a world that's difficult for him to understand. He is an inspiration to me. By the way, during this game he got beaned on the head and took a ball on the bridge of his nose...and still managed to score two runs...go Alex go.

Occasionally the storm clouds would gather but we knew that would happen and we let the rain fall...and the tears...

We just held each other up and waited for the smiles to come out with the sun.

We revisited our roots. It helps to know where you come from, how you got where you are and where you plan on going...perspective perspective perspective...
AND THEN...
God looked at us and winked. He winked. While there, we received the heavenly news that we're (Eli and Abby) expecting twins in January...these are a few reactions...heh heh heh





And now in this Pop-less world, his legacy must continue. And so, in keeping with that, I will continue his preferred farewell..."Leave them laughing and say goodbye".
See ya in October Mom. Love you.

6 comments:

Diane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Diane said...

wow...my lovely friend. So much to say about this post. But it is the middle of the night and I just want you to know I'm here and I have read it. Will comment more soon.
Your writing made me feel so many things. So many, many things.
Love to you.

Eliot Bowman said...

This is a wonderful post, mom. Only you can interweave humor and gravity so beautifully.

katzbox said...

Diane, thanks for your kind words. I'm glad that you found it thought provoking. The steps we took seemed to help. I felt I should post them in case someone, one day, googles "grief" or "grief process". They would hopefully pull up my entry and get some ideas of how we handled "fresh" grief. Obviously, coping skills wax and wane, but those first few weeks are almost surreal sometimes....yikes...let me know how you're doing...

Eli...YOU can interweave disparate concepts yourself kiddo...Mr. Random....

Holly and Eric said...

Great pictures. I'm glad you put the glamorous picture of Grandma up.

I'm now addicted to "bubbles" from Michaels.

katzbox said...

H&G, Michael's should set up a 12-step process for the bubbles...but then, that would be bad for the bottom line...and I continue to fall in love with your little green house of envy of the American Dream...keep visualizing it!!!!