WHO'S THE NUTBAR UNDER THE CHURCH PEW?

Today, I did something quite unacceptable in church. I was visiting a building in Ohio that I don't normally attend. I live in California. I was sitting in the very back row. There is a space between the very back row and the next row up. This very back row is used for...I don't know...people who come in late, anti-social types, people with little kids who may have to leave and don't want to disturb others...me...whatever.

To my right sat an old acquaintance (I used to live in Ohio). He sat there with his teenage son. They were very well-behaved and reverent. In front of me, in the row waaaayyyy ahead of me (remember...there is that space I mentioned) was a friend that my daughter grew up with and her 3 year old son. On the other side of the 3 year old boy sat another old friend, Laurie. So....what did I do?....

I cannot resist the urge to play with a little child. Call me childish and immature , okay, don't call me names please, but whatever I am, I am always "game on" with a toddler. So...the kid was playing peek-a-boo with me and I clicked on! I was hiding behind the cape I was wearing, I would sneak out all quick and he would smile. BINGO! Then...I would sneak across the space and lean over the pew, and quickly peek over the top of it, BINGO!, he would giggle. Finally, I got so involved with this game, I actually dove UNDER THE PEW on my back, wiggled forward (my legs were now sticking out from under the into the said space between the very back pew and this particular pew I was now position UNDER, and appeared BINGO right next to his wee tee tiny Crock shoes! He was stunned....as was his mother. I just laughed...and then I realized where I was. I was laying on my back....under a church pew....with my legs sticking out into open territory...*gasp*

I now had the hideous realization that I had to maneuver my body out from under the pew, inching my way forward until I got back into the space so that I could CRAWL BACK to where I was sitting originally on the pew in the very back row. As I did this, as I crawled back into my original position on the pew in the very back row, I realized that my old acquaintance and his teen aged son were seated there-no doubt watching everything with open-mouthed shock.

In an effort to somehow regain some small fraction of dignity, I sat up straight and wrapped my long shawl/cloak around me....realizing how very odd I must have appeared in my zealous efforts to over compensate for my foibles. I went from crawling under and out from a pew to sitting bolt upright with a tightly wrapped cape around me. What a nut job.

I left soon thereafter.

I may leave Ohio sooner than I thought.