STUPID SQUINKY EYE...

Today I have squinky right eye. Everyone gets it on occasion. You know what it is. It's that weird muscle twitch that makes your eye wink, or jerk, or seize, or generally just behave badly. I can only guess the cause...I'm guessing a 17-year-old who shall remain anonymous...*cougheli*....

I tried to catch it. I held a magnifying mirror in front of my eye for the greater portion of the day to see if I could actually watch it as it happened....it was very exciting...but no....not once...apparently, when you get squinky eye (named by author, Lori Notaro) your eye develops its own intelligence AND a deviant sense of humor. No, no proof of squinky eye. So, while it feels as though I'm winking at everyone I see, I can't actually prove it. The eye is mum on the whole thing. I can't be trusted to go outside and actually interact with people because...well...I might be misinterpreted....you know?....

I don't want to check the mail, run into the mail carrier, have him hand me my daily load of worthless paper and while we're physically exchanging my pizza coupons and oil change discounts, have me look him in the eye and say "Thanks" and give a big winkeroo....no bueno....

Or, while at the grocery store, having the kid bagging my goods ask me if I need help with "carry out" and while saying, "I've got this honey"...*wink*....ewwwwwwwwww....huh uh......

Or this lovely scenario. I'm walking my dogs and the little schitz(hu), who is now marking his territory like an iguana in heat, actually pees on my foot when anyone (dog or human) is within a 12-state area. So if someone walks by, my right foot goes warm and yellow. I feel the need to explain this to people who see me shaking my leg but it loses it's rationality when the "peed-upon" is winking while explaining. It has a disgust-factor of about 8.5.....

See, my eye can't be trusted. It just can't. And one never knows how long squinky eye will last. An hour? Four hours? An entire day? And my poor hubby will get home, sit back, I'll ask him how his day went and when he talks about how none of the air ducts cooperated I'll say, "Oh, those stupid BTUs, how about a nice dinner and a *wink*"....and that will just lead to a whole other thing....

Stupid squinky eye...