TWEETS OF LATE...

Eddie Fisher...gone...just like that! Well, it took over 80 years and lots of booze and cigarettes, but still...GONE!, just like that....

The unframed photo of my son on my table is turned at an angle. It looks 3D, like he's standing on my table and he's 5" high. Unless.....

Dear Chuhuahua mix that runs unleased-Stay away from my shitzhu. Just because you're all BA and free, don't think you can date my dog.''

#2 Sure, you're the "bad boy" dog-wrong side of the tracks. You don't bag your poo, you don't live by rules. I've seen you eat birds. STAY!

#3 But my girl is innocent. My shitzhu is used to a better, nicer boy. Think of her future. And quit peeing on my steps, what the heck!

#4 And Chihuahua, it would never work with U & Shitzhu. U couldn't provide 4 her. You're BA in the yard, she's a bitch 24/7. Save yourself.

My dog just tried to eat a light bulb. It was all that remained of the last good idea she had.

I decorated my balcony-tried to make it look "homey" with a lantern, dried flowers & straw hat-turns out it just looks really flammable.

Dear book-in-my-car. Please levitate urself up here 2 the apt. I'm tired. Do U hear me? Now! ok-NOW!-NOW...whatev-don't feel like it N E way

Okay mourning-dove, we get it, you're sad & annoyingly loud & consistent. Try nesting close to therapy-dove & see if that helps.

Yes, mourning-dove. Again with the relentless cooing. I'm certain there's a nest of support doves in that tree across the park...way across

Mourning-dove, while its true you have suffered loss, U seem to now define urself as a victim. Stop, or I'll get all Rush Limbaughy on you.

(on my rapidly advancing hearing loss) My ears are not going quietly into that good night. If they had hands, they would grab onto sound waves and leaving scratch marks.

Dear "Hunger Games Trilogy", Thanks for making me keenly aware of food in my pantry and the fact that I'll never kill anyone on television.

And one of my favorite retweets from a girl I follow....

JoyPlaza

i just found the sad remains of a houseplant i could've sworn i threw out years ago. but sure, i'd love to watch your kids.