IF I WAS FRIENDS WITH....

I follow this guy on Twitter named, "jordanrubin". He's random and funny. He just tweeted, "If I was friends with a Centaur, I'd pick a fight with him just so I could say, "Let's settle this Mano a Mano-Horso." He tweets silly stuff a few times a week. But I thought about it, because I'm avoiding homework again, but that's beside the point, but I thought about different things I could be friends with....because my brain is a big cartoon....and in this cartoon, everything talks and walks and sings and dances....no, I'm not medicated, but probably should be....and in this cartoon, if things aren't my actual friends, then they're at least friendly...so I imagined....

If I was friends with a dung beetle, you know, those bugs that shoot out nasty smelling fumes, I would let him win every single argument....
me: The sky sure looks blue, eh?
beetle: The sky is orange!
me: You betcha.

If I was friends with a tree, I would never climb it because I would feel bad about putting my dirty shoes all over my friend's skin and possibly hurting him. Plus, my friend could possibly see up my dress.
If I was friends with my old kindergarten teacher, I would ask her if anyone else ever told her she resembled a giraffe or did my weirdness, indeed, begin at age four.

If I was friends with my right knee, I would take it to lunch and ask it, "Hey partner, what needs to happen to make you straighten out again, huh? What can I do just for you?" And then I would pick up the tab, which shouldn't be too much because I'm telling you, this knee?....it never eats a thing!!!

If I was friends with all of my unborn grand children, I would tell them, "Hey, you're all much smarter than me, but I'll be wicked fun when your parents are out of town, so be nice"

If I was friends with a rock, I would ask it how it came to be so incredibly patient....