BACHLORETTE, TRUE BEAUTY, TRAIN WRECK, VIRTUE

Because I am spending much of the summer here with Mother, we have developed a guilty pleasure. We are watching a couple of reality shows, particularly The Bachlorette and True Beauty. We're a little hooked.

Regarding The Bachlorette-it is simply all kinds of wrong. Obviously, this is not the way an individual finds a spouse, obviously. But you know...it's like watching a train wreck. I just can't turn away. Last night, Kasey (does anyone else have a problem with his voice?) was picked to have a solo date (that, right there, is just a wrong sentence) with the batchlorette, Ali, in New York City. First off, he sang to her. Not just funny singing, but pseudo-soulful, R&B crooning. That would have ended his chances with me right there. No singing!!!! I don't know why I can't have people sing to me. It's almost a pathology. My children's father knew this and one time, in a nightmare of epic proportions, I heard his distinctive voice over the loud speaker SINGING MY NAME in a Sharper Image at a mall. He had found a microphone and started doing a lounge singer act as I was walking around blithely looking at the massage chairs and and other Skymall-type paraphernalia. My blood curdled and I slowly spun around to see him grinning from ear to ear-knowing perfectly well what the effect would be. I strolled out of the store with him smiling and walking behind me, but not after he serenaded me out of the establishment. *SHUDDER*. As it turns out, my father used to sing to my mother while she was pregnant for me and she would smile and then run and barf so maybe it's cell memory or something. All I know is when Kasey started singing, both my mother and myself started moaning and-in a clear case of reality show confusion-began voting him off the island. Mom said, "If he doesn't shut up and kiss her, she's going to throw up". Nice.... But Ali was kind (if only temporarily) and while denying him a rose on their date (which is not good) she allowed him to stay another week). To make matters weirder, he then went out and got a tattoo on his wrist proclaiming his love for her. It's a shield protecting a heart and 11 other hearts representing the other 11 bachelors. Oy. I like this kid, but as one of the other bachelors described him, he's into "hearts, flowers and unicorn love". The weatherman went home, whom I thought was a funny guy with his neurotic Jewish schtick...oh well....

True Beauty is a pretend contest (sure) where the contestants think they're competing to represent the "Face of Vegas". In reality, there are lots of hidden cameras testing their character with "plants" that entice the contestants with opportunities to steal, or peek at their interview questions, etc. The idea being that beauty is inner as well as outer....in a reality show?...sure, cause that's where we want to learn about character, because the television networks are paragons of virtue...

But hey! I'm still watching! Kasey, stop singing!