MENOPAUSE DEFENSE...I'LL DO IT...OH YES I WILL...

The other night...Thursday?...I woke up about 3:00 AM (the usual) and heard a man talking...plain as day...but it sounded muffled, like it was outside my window. Now, when this happens, my first impulse is to lay quiet and let it play out...I have to do reality checks on things like this because of their frequency in my life...I will admit that my children and I are a hypnopompic/hypnogogic group and we see/hear weird things in our sleepy states...so here I was once again hearing things like a man talking. My reality check consists of these two major bullet points:

* Is it loud enough or real enough for the hubby to hear it (he's a very very light sleeper)

* Are my dogs barking at it


Following my above checks (the hubby did not wake up and the dogs did not bark), I listened to his voice for awhile and then drifted back off to sleep...believing that the voice was all in my head, or spirit or whatever....so I didn't even say anything the next day...business as usual (is my life weird enough or what?)

Anyway, the next night about 4:00 AM, the hubster jumps out of bed ninja style, fully awake, back hunched over...I sit up and all he does is the "SHHHHHH" motion and points to the window...and I say, "Oh, you heard the voice too?"....*INSERT PUZZLED HUBBY FACE HERE*...but he gracefully, almost ballet-like, slides thru the house, throws on lights, calls the police and checks his gun(S)...now fully loaded...I'm all, "Hey, it's just a voice, I'm not sure it's real because the dogs aren't barking so come back here and talk to me". Well now, I've got his attention...he asks, "You've heard this voice before? You don't think it's real? This voice that woke me up?"

SKIP TO THE END FOR HOW THIS TURNS OUT IF YOU WISH TO AVOID THE WEIRD HISTORY...

I explained the following: "Peter, the dogs didn't bark, it's possible that you heard a voice that doesn't have a body attached to it. This happens to me and you may be stuck being involved with it. When Jette was a baby, we both heard the voice say "Hello" to which baby Jette said, "Hi" but no one was there. Another time, sitting at a card table playing cards with the kids' dad, we heard, "Hello"...my husband at the time says "Hey, come in", to which I reply, "Don't bothering getting it, there's no one there"...he looked at me like I was crazy (which actually became a common occurrence with he and I) and when he answered the door, sure enough, no one was there...just the usual disembodied voice...skip forward a few years and we're at another house, sleeping upstairs with the four kids in the two rooms below us. I wake up hearing lots and lots of children laughing and even sounds like furniture is moving...I am upset with the kids because I know they're going to get in trouble and why in the world would they make such a bad judgement as to play loudly like that in the middle of the night-but sure enough, their dad jumps out of bed and storms downstairs, prepared to put that crap to an end. Suddenly the laughter stops, the furniture sounds are silent and I don't hear a word from their Dad. I hear him walking thru the house and NO WORDS ARE SAID. He comes back up and unbeknownst to him I was awake and the first words I ask are, "Who was up and playing that loud". He is surprised and responds with, "You heard all that too?" I said that of course I heard it, which of the kids was doing that and he said, "None of them. They're sound asleep and everything is quiet. I even checked to see if they were faking but they're deep asleep. I went down to the basement to see if a radio or TV was on but there's nothing going on down there." I asked him what he thought the sound was but at this point, we were both a little creeped out. We laid back down and sure enough, I heard the laughter again but it faded rather quickly. I discovered years later that this has happened in other areas of the country to other people, which wasn't exactly comforting but it was what it was...

So I explained all of this weird history to the hubby and BLESS HIS HEART, he gives me credibility and allows for the possibility that perhaps there was "no one" there.

AT THE END OF THE STORY...DOWN HERE!!!

Back to that night, the cops come and they found our next door neighbor's vacant house has a storage shed with the door opened slightly...

Turns out there was a homeless man caught Saturday morning walking into people's houses and in the last incident, he was taking a shower in someone's bathroom with the people home. So, the guy was caught...thing is, instead of being calm about my little spiritual experiences, I was now ANGRY and I could have killed this man. I was just so stoked and angry that some one would take that much liberty with my home and my people...I just became angrier and angrier and the sweat poured off of me and my hands were shaking and I said to the hubby and the 16 year old irritant, "Mark my words, if I catch ANYONE near this house, I will pop them in the ass and drag them inside and no one will convict me because I am menopausal...I'LL DO IT!!!!

When I left I heard little Eli lean into his dad and say, "Dad, she knows your guns are loaded. Don't make her mad".

Yea....