I purchased a mouse for my laptop today. It's a wireless, and in today's vernacular, that word is now "bluetooth". Good luck future anthropologists and linguists. I brought home my new mouse. I unpacked it from its Fort Knox of cardboard and industrial strength plastic...but that's another post. I clicked on my "seeking bluetooth devices" and got it all arranged...after it told me to "insert the batteries, you moron", tho not in that nice a way. I finally got it hooked up and I noticed it was acting strangely. Weird...when I move left, the cursor goes right, when I go up, the cursor goes down...It wasn't at all like my "traditional" mouse in my non-Mac days. Hmmmm, this would take some getting used to...but, whatev, I'm used to "getting used" to things...*sigh*...so I used it a bit...it felt funny too...Man! I thought MacBook was supposed to be the warm and fuzzy computer...this isn't right...no way...and then I looked at it...yea...it was upside down...
Humbling moment...I'm rethinking grad school....
Monday, February 9, 2009
It's raining.
It's raining. I have things called "puddles" in my driveway. It smells funny outside...I think it's called "wet desert vegetation". I like it. A lot.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
David after the dentist....
I do NOT advocate drugging children for fun and amusement-sometimes that's just an unintentional perk...like in this instance. This young man had to have dental work performed. His father took video before and after, with the young man's knowledge, to alleviate his concerns. David was still groggy and Dad kept filming...this has been a relative "hit" on youtube. He's cute. And funny. Really funny. And you know what?...if I had a video camera when my kids were goofy...well...
Friday, February 6, 2009
I'd like some traffic jam with my toast please?
I was tooling through downtown Palm Springs the other day, not long after I had returned from the MidWest and the snow and ice storm (which was stunningly beautiful, by the way). The day was incredible. It was sunny and the wind had that velvety feel to it when it blows across your skin...not too hot, not too cool...just baby bear perfect...
I had the windows down and the moon roof open...the radio was on and blasting 70s rock with 106 minutes of commercial-free rock greats...needless to say, I was loving life. It was just special, ya know? I'm setting up the scene for you folks here...
So I'm driving down the road, the usual suspects are darting in and out of the traffic...the 108 year old blue hair who should have had her license taken away about four face jobs ago because her eyes are pulled so tightly, she no longer has the peripheral vision to see my car driving down the center of the road, where it has every right to be if I'm driving it at 50 mph, I mean, as opposed to doing that sort of thing on the sidewalk...anyway, she just rolls her little Mercedes out there at about 8 mph without regard to me or the semi barreling down on her...but that's okay, cause it's a breezy, easy day and it's all good...it's okay Maude, have a nice day, you and your new face, just get home safe...
So I'm continuing to drive and the mountains are beautiful and even the air is clean and clear and the traffic is slowing down and...oh! look!, there's one of those cute little Smart For Two cars right next to me...little yellow thing with a black roof...."hi!"..."cute car"...I'm waving...a little blonde is driving....she waves back...we're communicating....she probably gets this all the time....you know, with that car and all...people just LOVE those cars....oh! we're still side by side here...hmmm...we're past "our" moment....don't look at her....I'm driving an SUV...obviously, I'm not as "green" as her....maybe if I drive slower she'll pass me by and it won't be so awkward...no...she's still there....eyes forward....la la la....oh cool, she's turning left...whew....moving on...
I think I'll get in the far left lane now...oh! road work ahead...bottling up...here we go...interesting...these guys working...they don't look grim...no one looks grim...in fact, what is that look?...is that?...is that?...is that okay-ness?...are those burly dudes okay with their jobs?...could they even be ummmmm "pleased" to be working?....I think they are!....that's my take on this....that's absolutely the feeling I'm getting....their body language is fluid and big and they're cohesive in their movements, they're chummy, they're actually working and expressing a kind of friendship...this is pleasant to watch...this is a new perspective on being in a traffic jam...if it means that people are working and supporting their families, heck yea, I'll wait...go on big guys, tear up that street and put it back together...take home that paycheck...
Tough times are here, but so is a new perspective...we just have to keep it in front of us...appreciate what we have, be tender with the people we love, and look for the laughter every day...Long work hours may be difficult but they're WORK hours, not IDLE hours...somethings are way worse....
I had the windows down and the moon roof open...the radio was on and blasting 70s rock with 106 minutes of commercial-free rock greats...needless to say, I was loving life. It was just special, ya know? I'm setting up the scene for you folks here...
So I'm driving down the road, the usual suspects are darting in and out of the traffic...the 108 year old blue hair who should have had her license taken away about four face jobs ago because her eyes are pulled so tightly, she no longer has the peripheral vision to see my car driving down the center of the road, where it has every right to be if I'm driving it at 50 mph, I mean, as opposed to doing that sort of thing on the sidewalk...anyway, she just rolls her little Mercedes out there at about 8 mph without regard to me or the semi barreling down on her...but that's okay, cause it's a breezy, easy day and it's all good...it's okay Maude, have a nice day, you and your new face, just get home safe...
So I'm continuing to drive and the mountains are beautiful and even the air is clean and clear and the traffic is slowing down and...oh! look!, there's one of those cute little Smart For Two cars right next to me...little yellow thing with a black roof...."hi!"..."cute car"...I'm waving...a little blonde is driving....she waves back...we're communicating....she probably gets this all the time....you know, with that car and all...people just LOVE those cars....oh! we're still side by side here...hmmm...we're past "our" moment....don't look at her....I'm driving an SUV...obviously, I'm not as "green" as her....maybe if I drive slower she'll pass me by and it won't be so awkward...no...she's still there....eyes forward....la la la....oh cool, she's turning left...whew....moving on...
I think I'll get in the far left lane now...oh! road work ahead...bottling up...here we go...interesting...these guys working...they don't look grim...no one looks grim...in fact, what is that look?...is that?...is that?...is that okay-ness?...are those burly dudes okay with their jobs?...could they even be ummmmm "pleased" to be working?....I think they are!....that's my take on this....that's absolutely the feeling I'm getting....their body language is fluid and big and they're cohesive in their movements, they're chummy, they're actually working and expressing a kind of friendship...this is pleasant to watch...this is a new perspective on being in a traffic jam...if it means that people are working and supporting their families, heck yea, I'll wait...go on big guys, tear up that street and put it back together...take home that paycheck...
Tough times are here, but so is a new perspective...we just have to keep it in front of us...appreciate what we have, be tender with the people we love, and look for the laughter every day...Long work hours may be difficult but they're WORK hours, not IDLE hours...somethings are way worse....
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Combat Veterans Motorcycle Association...I love these guys
I had heard of them but I had never actually seen them or been at an event where they were attending. I know they are sometimes considered controversial...for whatever reason...but puhleese...give me just a little break...remembering a fallen comrade?...you've got my vote, okay?
When Peter picked me up at the airport on Sunday, and as I disembarked from the escalator to collect my luggage, I walked through a group of assembled bikers, each holding flags, each wearing leather, and each looking quite individual and "non-conformist", if you get where I'm going on this. I don't think you'd find these guys seated at a fancy-schmancy dinner party and I think they'd prefer it that way. As it turned out, they were waiting for some one. A special some one. A comrade. A veteran. This veteran was alive and well. He was serving in the Middle East. But he was coming home. Early. Because his wife has cancer. And these gentleman...and I'm using the word "gentlemen" in it's highest, most noblest intended meaning, were there to greet him. And I stood there and watched. And my soul felt nourished for the opportunity of doing so. I left soon thereafter because it was their moment, not mine. But as we exited the airport, there were those bikes...all shiny and lined up neatly in a row, just outside...ready to carry those men to the next veteran that's returning...who knows in what condition...wow...I love these guys...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
MENSA Invitational...so maybe I wasn't invited, but I can still enjoy the fall-out...
These were sent to me by my friend Flo. They've been around awhile, but they always entertain...the "lymph" definition cracks me up every. single. time. And I'll start with my apologies to my cousin Bobby, a MENSA member...not only a member, but a member who designs and writes the brain teasers for his local chapter...yea...So! Let the fun begin....
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulance, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulance, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Monday, February 2, 2009
GOD LOVES MY MOTHER....
We had to share a bed in Pittsburgh. It was dark. I hadn't seen her in a couple of months. She reached her little hands over and caressed my back. Red Flag!
MOM: Is that a brace you're wearing?
ME: No. That's my ribcage.
The following two weeks were spent gratuitously gorging myself. GORGING. Enabled by the winter storm that crippled the Midwest, the South and the Northeast, we couldn't leave her house. Mother smiled when I ate a plate of food. And there was nothing else to do. No internet. No leaving. Nothing but food, 24/7. God loves my mother.
MOM: Is that a brace you're wearing?
ME: No. That's my ribcage.
The following two weeks were spent gratuitously gorging myself. GORGING. Enabled by the winter storm that crippled the Midwest, the South and the Northeast, we couldn't leave her house. Mother smiled when I ate a plate of food. And there was nothing else to do. No internet. No leaving. Nothing but food, 24/7. God loves my mother.
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